i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
