That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
