Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
