Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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