you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
