he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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