you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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