its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
