I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
