Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
