3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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