Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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