you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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