Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
