She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
