There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
