so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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