nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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