So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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