she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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