Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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