I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
