$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
