I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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