toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
