Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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