We're facebook friends in real life
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
