i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
