i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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