I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
