kristin has been a bad kristin
it was like eating out sand paper
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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