whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
