3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
