why do cheetos always look like penises
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
