Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
