I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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