How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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