just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
