so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
