So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
