you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
