Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Houston, we have a blender
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
