No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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