sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
