remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.