So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular