11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.