But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.