That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?