yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
