I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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