Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
