I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my liver is dry heaving
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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