Will you blow on my dice?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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