I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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