So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think pants incapable of making pants work