non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
