Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.