shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
