shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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