make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
