I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
