Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
