wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
