My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
even my farts smell like vagina
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
