Barsexuality is the new black.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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