wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
