drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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