I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just pee around me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
