Your tits are I can't wait for
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
