She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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