Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
