Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
