You were right. It hurts to walk today.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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