when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
