i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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