everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
