I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
