if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
