i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
